In hard conversations (such as fornication, cohabitation, divorce) I often use the line, “I’m here to be your pastor, not your accuser. I’m on your side, to help you.” This helps mitigate the “wounded animal effect.” St. Paul uses a similar tactic in 2 Cor. 12:19-21. He says that he is working for their upbuilding (19) and fears that they may not view him as he wishes, that is, they may see him as being against them. His fear is that he will be humbled and grieved because some have not repented specifically over their sins against the Sixth Commandment (cf. John 8:11), causing slander, gossip, anger, etc. against him and within the congregation.