In The All-or-Nothing Marriage, Finkel calls “lovehacks” those things that either spouse can do to improve the marriage and which require minimal effort. They basically amount to gratitude and keeping the Eighth Commandment. Biblically speaking, if only one spouse undertook this task in earnest, it should be the husband (How a husband loves).
“Lovehacks”
Against Weaknesses
- Attribute negatives we see in our spouse to external, temporary things (e.g. “He’s late because he got stuck in traffic.”)
- Rethink conflict from the perspective of a neutral third party.
- Consider why she complimented you and what it means for your relationship.
- Adopt a growth mindset (e.g., Isaac and Rebecca). See difficulties as opportunities.
Cultivating Strengths
- Attribute positives to internal, permanent things in our spouse.
- Cultivate gratitude. Think about ways in which our spouse has invested in our marriage.
- Rejoice with those who rejoice. Celebrate, ask about, and share your spouses daily triumphs.
- Affectionate touching.